WANTED: Aspiring Mini-Dictators!
Why a SD Road District is Your New Best Friend.
Have you ever looked at your neighbors and thought, “I’d love to tax these people, but I don’t want the hassle of actually being ‘elected’ or ‘accountable’?” Well, pull up a chair, patriot! I’ve discovered the greatest legal “glitch” in the 605: The South Dakota Road District.
Forget running for the State House or Governor. That’s for suckers who like “oaths” and “transparency.” If you want absolute power with zero overhead, follow my 2026 Guide to Local Domination:
Step 1: Skip the Oath (It’s Optional!)
First rule of Dictator Club: Don’t swear to follow the Constitution. Our local State’s Attorney has flat out said that oaths are for the “big kids” in Pierre. If you never take an oath, you never actually “promised” to follow the law. It’s like a legal invisibility cloak!
Step 2: Invent Your Own Taxes (The “Fee” Trick)
The Legislature says you can only have a “Levy” or a “Special Assessment.” Boring! Levies have pesky caps and assessments have “fronting and abutting” rules. Instead, just call it a “Special Maintenance Fee.”
Don’t worry about the law—the County Auditor is the best wingman you’ll ever have. They’ll slap your invented fee right on the tax bill for you. Millions of dollars are just sitting there in your neighbors’ bank accounts, and the Auditor is basically handing you the straw to suck it out.
Step 3: The “Two-Man” Rule
Why deal with a pesky third board member who might ask questions? If one trustee resigns, just… don’t fill the seat. There’s no deadline! You and your best buddy can run the whole show as a “quorum of two.” It’s like a permanent date night, but you’re spending other people’s property tax money on “investigations.”
Step 4: Master the “Ministerial” Blackout
Public meetings are so 1990s. In 2026, we do business via SMS and Email. Write it right into your bylaws! Call them “Ministerial Meetings” and claim they’re top-secret. If a neighbor wants to see the books, tell them they can look—but they can’t take pictures. If they can’t prove what you’re spending, did you even spend it?
Step 5: The “Good Standing” Gag Order
Want to make sure no one ever runs against you? Add a “Good Standing” clause to your bylaws. If a neighbor complains, boom—they aren’t in “good standing” anymore. Now they can’t vote, and they certainly can’t run for your seat. It’s the ultimate self-cleaning oven of local politics!
Step 6: The “Sue Me” Shield
If someone actually catches on, just point them to the State’s Attorney. She’ll tell them the “closed loop” is just “accepted procedure” and that their only hope is to spend $20,000 on a private lawsuit. Since South Dakota has no Anti-SLAPP laws, you can just counter-sue them into poverty for “damaging district operations.”
The Spoils are Waiting!
Why work for a living when you can be a Road District Trustee? You get the bank account, the secret meetings, and the backing of the county officials who are too busy ghosting constituents to stop you.
Hurry! Sign up today before the 2026 Legislature accidentally passes a law to stop us!